I'm Kaleb and I do nothing all day.

Bye tumblr!!!! I’ll miss you!!! I’ll be back again in two months! Hope you guys wont be bored without me!!!!
iamdaniellek kitten-slayer666

hipster-trichster:

2makeyewsmile:

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding. Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.  Officer: Don’t have one? Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving. Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Woman: I can’t do that. Officer: Why not? Woman: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am? Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The first officer is stunned. Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

that was a wild ride

hipster-trichster:

2makeyewsmile:

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.

Officer: Don’t have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can’t do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle
please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

that was a wild ride

sgtgrunt0331:

Warrior Wednesday: U.S. Marines take cover behind a mud wall after receving fire in the city of Marja in Helmand province, Afghanistan, Feb. 13, 2010. The Marines, assigned to Bravo Company, 1st Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, arrived in the city at night by helicopters as part of a large-scale offensive aimed at routing the Taliban from their last-known stronghold.

sgtgrunt0331:

Warrior Wednesday: U.S. Marines take cover behind a mud wall after receving fire in the city of Marja in Helmand province, Afghanistan, Feb. 13, 2010. The Marines, assigned to Bravo Company, 1st Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, arrived in the city at night by helicopters as part of a large-scale offensive aimed at routing the Taliban from their last-known stronghold.

queenoftheshucks:

chaoticbanter:

catsbeaversandducks:

Comic by ©The Oatmeal

I laugh, but it’s frighteningly true

I can’t stop laughing

snoia:

i literally have no idea what im gonna do if i dont end up rich

clituorice:

tupacabra:

dentist: ok now open wide

me:

image

(Source: neogohann)

redeadlauren:

my sexual orientation? Ah yes. It’s giant robots fighting giant alien monsters that came from a rift in the pacific ocean.


This is someone dying while having an MRI scan. Before you die, your brain releases tons and tons of endorphins that make you feel a range of emotions. Tragically beautiful.
This is someone dying while having an MRI scan. Before you die, your brain releases tons and tons of endorphins that make you feel a range of emotions. Tragically beautiful.

(Source: ijessicalanglois)